


my vampire husband

by UnicornMillie21



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Baz is a Mess, Fake Dating, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Simon is a Mess, Texting, not beta read because we die, not in the way you'd think, only i wasn't drunk, sorta - Freeform, texting fic, that's it we just die, this was all a drunken fever dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22637185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnicornMillie21/pseuds/UnicornMillie21
Summary: Another wrong number fic only they're both insane and depressed and also just really stupid teenagers. Wait, never mind, that's already canon lol.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	my vampire husband

**Author's Note:**

> Okay look I wrote this at 2 in the morning so it's VERY dramatic and probably doesn't make any sense so I sincerely apologize.

february 8

2:06 am (Unknown Number)

**hey**

**so**

**i just wanted to say that i’m sorry**

**i messed up**

**i always do i guess**

**and i just**

**idk**

**i’m sorry**

2:09 am (Unknown Number)

Wrong number.

2:09 am (Unknown Number)

**oh shit**

**sorry**

**my girlfriend got a new number and i must have accidentally typed a wrong #**

**well i’m not sure if she’s my gf anymore**

**sorry TMI**

2:10 am (Unknown Number)

Why are you awake at 2 AM? Messes like you need at least eight hours of sleep per night.

2:11 am (Unknown Number)

**haha lmao**

**uh just regretting things**

**idk i’m in a mood rn**

**besides, ur a hypocrite.**

2:12 am (Unknown Number)

I’m studying, and also regretting things.

2:13 am (Unknown Number)

**like what??**

2:13 am (Unknown Number)

Talking to you.

2:13 am (Unknown Number)

**u literally started the conversation??**

2:13 am (Unknown Number)

I took pity on you. From the looks of it, you must have truly fucked things up with your maybe-girlfriend.

2:14 am (Unknown Number)

**yeah**

2:14 am (Unknown Number)

… Are you alright?

2:14 am (Unknown Number)

**yeah ofc**

**well**

**idk**

**probably**

**i just feel really bad for being such a burden to agatha**

**shit sorry i’m oversharing again**

**i swear i’m not always like this**

2:15 am (Unknown Number)

Agatha?

2:15 am (Unknown Number)

**yeah, that’s the maybe-girlfriend.**

2:15 am (Unknown Number)

Well, what did you do? I’m intrigued now.

2:16 am (Unknown Number)

**oh wow**

**i’m actually spilling my guts to a stranger**

**i’m pathetic but uh what’s new lol**

**anyway**

**i was over at her house and we were just lying on her bed**

**and things have been kinda hard for me w my family**

**so i started talking to her about it**

**which was stupid because why the fuck should she care you know?**

**like it’s my problem not hers and i shouldn’t have been trying to make it hers**

**and that’s what she said too**

**and i just feel really guilty now because i always do shit like this**

**and i’m doing it right now**

**and i’m sorry**

**shit**

**idk**

**please tell me to shut up**

**it’s 2 am and if you don’t i’ll never stop talking**

2:17 am (Unknown Number)

Oh, wow. That was a lot.

2:17 am (Unknown Number)

**sorry**

2:17 am (Unknown Number)

Wait, I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not pathetic. Well, you probably are, but not for that. Also, I think you need to downgrade your maybe-girlfriend to a definite ex.

2:18 am (Unknown Number)

**but she didn’t do anything wrong??**

2:18 am (Unknown Number)

Yes she very much fucking did. If you’re in a relationship and your significant other gets a fucking paper cut you should care. Her telling you that the fact that you’re sad isn’t her problem is wrong.

2:19 am (Unknown Number)

**thanks but i just don’t think you rly understand**

**it’s not her fault**

**i’m kinda difficult to be around**

2:19 am (Unknown Number)

What’s your name?

2:19 am (Unknown Number)

**what?**

2:19 am (Unknown Number)

Can you not read?

What. Is. Your. Name?

2:20 am (Unknown Number)

**simon**

2:20 am (Unknown Number)

Alright, Simon, I need you to listen to me and I need you to believe me (because I’m much smarter than you). This isn’t your fault. It’s not. Who knows? You might secretly be a terrible person or a fucking murderer for all I know, but this current situation is not your fault.

2:21 am (simon the fucking mess)

**wow**

**i really needed that**

**thank you**

**really**

2:22 am (kind stranger)

Whatever, just go the fuck to sleep, you fucking mess.

———

february 9

9:36 am (simon the fucking mess)

**oh my god**

**i don’t even remember sending like half of this stuff**

**i deeply apologize**

**jfc i swear i’m not usually like that**

**!!!**

9:37 am (kind stranger)

Okay.

9:37 am (simon the fucking mess)

**that’s it??**

**just an ‘okay’?**

9:38 am (kind stranger)

What else do you want?

9:38 am (simon the fucking mess)

**idk but i mean we’re bffs now so you could at least be a little more enthusiastic**

9:38 am (kind stranger)

Since when are we ‘bffs’?

9:39 am (simon the fucking mess)

**since you walked me through a mental breakdown obvi**

9:39 am (kind stranger)

Right, “obvi.” Also, where are your survival instincts? You can’t just go around making best friends with strangers, nitwit.

9:39 am (simon the fucking mess)

**watch me bitch**

9:40 am (kind stranger)

Jesus Christ. I am appalled.

9:40 am (simon the fucking mess)

**idk what that means but i’m taking it as a compliment**

9:40 am (kind stranger)

Please don’t.

9:41 am (simon the fucking mess)

**ur like the nicest mean person i’ve ever met**

9:41 am (kind stranger)

Rude, I’m not nice.

9:41 am (simon the fucking mess)

**you said it wasn’t my fault last night**

9:42 am (kind stranger)

That wasn’t me being nice, that was me being honest. Anyone could tell you your maybe-girlfriend’s horrible.

9:42 am (simon the fucking mess)

**haha**

**well she’s not my maybe-girlfriend anymore**

9:42 am (kind stranger)

Please tell me she’s your ex now.

9:43 am (simon the fucking mess)

**she is**

9:43 am (kind stranger)

I’m surprised you had the backbone to dump her. You don’t seem the type.

9:43 am (simon the fucking mess)

**i’m not.**

**she dumped me**

9:43 am (kind stranger)

On what grounds exactly?

9:44 am (simon the fucking mess)

**apparently i’m too much for her to handle**

**but it’s cool**

**i get it**

9:44 am (kind stranger)

You’re extremely sad, you know that?

9:44 am (simon the fucking mess)

**i guess. i promise i’m usually so much happier**

9:45 am (kind stranger)

You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

9:45 am (simon the fucking mess)

**why wouldn’t i want to explain myself to my BFF ;)**

9:46 am (kind stranger)

You are not my best friend you absolute twat.

9:46 am (simon the fucking mess)

**aww why not :(**

9:46 am (kind stranger)

I don’t keep friends, I keep minions.

9:46 am (simon the fucking mess)

**minions? what for?**

9:47 am (kind stranger)

In case I get thirsty.

9:47 am (simon the fucking mess)

**for what?**

9:47 am (kind stranger)

Blood, you numpty.

9:48 am (simon the fucking mess)

**w h a t the hell is a numpty??**

**and also VAMPIRE ALERT**

9:48 am (kind stranger)

Anyway, we’re not best friends just because I was collateral damage during your mental crisis.

9:48 am (simon the fucking mess)

**ur right**

9:49 am (kind stranger)

Thank you.

9:49 am (simon the fucking mess)

**you’re my BOYFRIEND**

9:49 am (vampire bf)

I did not volunteer to be your rebound.

9:49 am (simon the fucking mess)

**yeah ik I’M volunteering u**

9:50 am (vampire bf)

How do you know I’m a guy?

9:50 am (simon the fucking mess)

**b i g d i c k e n e r g y**

9:50 am (vampire bf)

Wow. Okay. Well, you  _ are _ correct. And I’m assuming you’re a teenager based on your… everything. But how do you know I’m not an old child predator?

9:51 am (simon the fucking mess)

**spot on!! i’m 17**

**and also how old r u?**

9:51 am (vampire bf)

Twelve.

9:52 am (simon the fucking mess)

**WHAT**

**OH MY GOSDHFDSKLHF**

**NO**

**Does that mean I’M the child predator???**

9:52 am (vampire bf)

Jesus, Simon, that was a joke. I’m also 17. 

9:52 am (simon the fucking mess)

**wait**

**!!!**

**so we can be legal bfs??**

9:52 am (vampire bf)

I refuse to date anyone who texts like a neanderthal.

9:53 am (simon the fucking mess)

**Ooh, is this turning you on? ;)**

9:53 am (vampire bf)

Kill me now, please.

9:54 am (simon the fucking mess)

**but then i’d miss you**

9:54 am (vampire bf)

Well, you’re going to have to anyway. I’m going to work now. Do. Not. Text. Me.

9:55 am (simon the fucking mess)

**when do you get off work?**

9:55 am (vampire bf)

I told you not to text me!

9:55 am (simon the fucking mess)

**just tell me!!!**

**i won’t stop spamming you until you do**

9:55 am (vampire bf)

Jesus Christ.

3:30.

9:56 am (simon the fucking mess)

**okay, have a good time, babe!! :):):)**

9:57 am (vampire bf)

What the fuck.

———

3:30 pm (simon the fucking mess)

**how was work?**

3:30 pm (vampire bf)

Why are you still texting me?

3:30 pm (simon the fucking mess)

**bc i looooovvvveeee you**

3:30 pm (vampire bf)

You know what I love?

3:31 pm (simon the fucking mess)

**what?**

3:31 pm (vampire bf)

Some goddamn peace and quiet.

3:31 pm (simon the fucking mess)

**do you rly want me to stop texting u?**

3:31 pm (vampire bf)

…

I don’t mind necessarily.

3:31 pm (simon the fucking mess)

**GASP**

**you love me too !!!**

3:32 pm (vampire bf)

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

3:32 pm (simon the fucking mess)

**anyway u never answered my question**

**how was work?**

3:32 pm (vampire bf)

The same old. My coworker Agatha was being a right tool today.

3:33 pm (simon the fucking mess)

**woah i can’t believe your coworker has the same name as my ex lol**

3:33 pm (vampire bf)

Wait a second. Your ex’s name is Agatha?

3:33 pm (simon the fucking mess)

**ya i said it before**

3:34 pm (vampire bf)

Agatha… Wellbelove?

3:34 pm (simon the fucking mess)

**wtf**

**yes**

**oh my god you work with my ex??**

3:34 pm (vampire bf)

Unfortunately, it appears.

Wait. 

You’re Agatha’s ex.

Holy shit.

3:35 pm (simon the fucking mess)

**what is it??**

3:35 pm (vampire bf)

I know who you are.

How did I not piece it together sooner?

You’re Simon Snow.

3:35 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**what the hell??**

**do i get to know who u are then?**

3:36 pm (vampire bf)

No, and please don’t try to figure it out.

3:36 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**why not?**

3:36 pm (vampire bf)

Just… please. Really.

3:36 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**okay… well you don’t have to tell me who you are but that means u also work with this guy i know baz right?**

3:36 pm (vampire bf)

I do.

3:36 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**he’s a right tosser, isn’t he?**

3:37 pm (vampire bf)

I know, I don’t like him either.

3:37 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**and he always thinks he’s better than everyone else**

3:37 pm (vampire bf)

Well, I don’t know about  _ that _ .

3:38 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**anyway**

**since you’re my bf i figured we should get to know each other more**

**so what’s your fave color?**

3:38 pm (vampire bf)

What a stupid question. Blue, of course.

3:38 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**really? i like grey**

**what’s your favorite tv show?**

3:39 pm (vampire bf)

You’re going to judge me.

3:39 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**i won’t!!! pinky promise**

3:40 pm (vampire bf)

...High School Musical: The Musical: The Series.

3:40 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**SAME OH MY GOD WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON**

**nini OR ricky could kill me and i’d thank them**

3:40 pm (vampire bf)

If they killed you, so would I.

3:41 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**wow ur really gonna talk to your bf that way??**

3:41 pm (vampire bf)

Sorry, darling, this is how I am 24/7.

3:41 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**I—**

**ADLSGHSDLKGJSFJDHGGF**

**Babe**

**Babe**

**Babe oh my god**

**BABE**

3:42 pm (vampire bf)

For fuck’s sake,  _ what _ ?

3:42 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**you should call me darling again. i think it literally stopped my heart**

3:42 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

Darling, darling, darling, darling, darling, darling. Are you dead yet?

3:43 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**i am officially DECEASED**

———

3:45 pm (Si)

**penny**

**PENNY**

**penelope bunce**

3:47 pm (Penny the Smartie)

_ What? _

3:47 pm (Si)

**look at these screenshots!!**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

3:49 pm (Penny the Smartie)

_ Si, this is a complete stranger?? _

3:49 pm (Si)

**no that’s my BOYFRIEND**

**that i met yesterday**

**well technically today**

3:50 pm (Penny the Smartie)

_ You’re already calling him babe. He’s already calling you darling. What the hell. _

3:50 pm (Si)

**pretty sure he’s saying it ironically but i’m still counting it as progress**

3:50 pm (Penny the Smartie)

_ Si, what if he’s a murderer? _ _  
_ 3:51 pm (Si)

**he works with aggie at the campus cafe which means he’s a student here and i don’t think they allow murderers here**

3:51 pm (Penny the Smartie)

_ Well, yeah, but it’s not like they know who’s a murderer or not. _

3:52 pm (Si)

**ur just jealous of me and my vampire’s relationship**

3:52 pm (Penny the Smartie)

_ Yeah, that’s exactly it. Look, I think it’s cute, alright? Just be careful _

3:53 pm (Si)

**don’t worry pen! i’ll use protection**

3:53 pm (Penny the Smartie)

_ That is NOT what I meant!! _

———

10:29 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**so what should i call u? unless you want me to keep using babe ;)**

10:30 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

If this is you attempting to find out my name, I’m not giving it to you.

10:30 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**ya wasn’t rly expecting you too**

**y’know what? i’m gonna call you vamp**

**like from VAMPIRE get it?**

**cause you’re a vampire!!**

10:31 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

Yes, Snow, I get it.

10:31 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**ew don’t call me snow**

10:32 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

Snow.

10:32 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**vamppppp**

10:32 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

Snowwwwwwww.

10:32 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**babeeeeee**

10:33 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

Don’t whine, Snow, it’s not a good look on you.

10:33 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**but babe… :(**

10:34 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

Goodnight, darling. Please shut the fuck up now.

10:34 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**ALDFHGLFSKJGFHG**

**NIGHT VAMP I LOVE YOU**

———

february 10

8:30 am (stupid fucking loml)

**good morning vamp!!**

8:35 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

Fuck you.

———

february 11 

8:30 am (stupid fucking loml)

**good morning vampy!!**

8:34 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

Morning.

———

february 12

8:30 am (stupid fucking loml)

**morning babe!!**

8:33 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

Hey, morning.

———

february 13

8:30 am (stupid fucking loml)

**morning apple of my eye, pit of my peach, ray of fucking sunshine, love of my life!! :)**

8:32 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE)

Good morning, Snow. Also, “pit of my peach”, what the fuck?

———

february 14

8:30 am (stupid fucking loml)

**GOOD MORNING BABE!! I love you!! Be my valentine?**

8:31 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Sure, darling.

———

february 15

8:30 am (stupid fucking loml)

**i love youuuuuuu**

8:30 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Love you too, I suppose.

———

february 26

8:30 am (stupid fucking loml)

**morning, babe, ily**

8:30 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Love you too, love, and punctuation look at that. Is my boyfriend finally becoming a functional human being?

8:30 am (stupid fucking loml)

**only for you, love**

8:31 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Jesus, Simon, you’re going to make me short circuit.

8:31 am (stupid fucking loml)

**also this morning i was thinking**

8:31 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Wow.

8:32 am (stupid fucking loml)

**shut up**

**and i just realized that my gf of FIVE YEARS broke up with me and i’ve barely even thought about it cause i’ve been texting u**

8:32 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

I’m… flattered? And concerned that you dated someone so toxic for five fucking years. Jesus Christ, Snow.

8:32 am (stupid fucking loml)

**vamp, it wasn't really her fault**

8:33 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Oh no. Do we need to do this again? Because I will.

8:33 am (stupid fucking loml)

**babe. really.**

8:33 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

“Babe, really” yourself, Simon. I’m serious.

8:34 am (stupid fucking loml)

**why are you the best person ever**

8:34 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

It’s my superior genetics.

8:34 am (stupid fucking loml)

**lmao you sound kinda like baz**

8:35 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

What that’s so weird

8:35 am (stupid fucking loml)

**ikr, ur so much better than him**

8:36 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

In what ways?

8:36 am (stupid fucking loml)

**you’re a lot nicer, for one**

**and you call me darling**

**and i bet ur hotter than he is**

**and smarter**

8:36 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Well, this is a mindfuck.

8:37 am (stupid fucking loml)

**huh?**

8:37 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Nothing. I have to head to class.

8:37 am (stupid fucking loml)

**Bye, Vampy!! :):)**

8:38 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Bye.

———

11:21 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**hey**

**uh idk if you’re still awake**

**but you seemed kinda off earlier**

**everything okay?**

11:24 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

I’m fine.

11:24 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**you sure?**

**pls don’t lie to me**

11:25 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE<3)

I don’t know.

11:25 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**babe? what’s going on?**

11:26 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

What do you do when you really like someone and they’ve really gotten to know you, but it’s only part of you? And you already know they hate the other part of you but they’re not even really aware that it’s  _ you _ so they hurt your feelings without meaning to and you can’t even bring yourself to be mad at them because you love them so much and you’ve loved them since you first met them when you were little kids and also your dad’s yelling at you all the time and you’re so emotionally repressed that when you cry you get mad at yourself and—

[ _ MY VAMPIRE BABE <3 deleted a message _ ]

Sorry, I’m just not doing great.

11:27 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**noooooo darling, love of my life, babe, sweetiepie, angel, baby, honey, muffin, buttercup, love bug, hunny bunny, hot stuff, tootsie roll, cutie-patootie, i love youuuuu**

11:28 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE<3)

Simon…

11:28 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**do you feel better now?**

11:29 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Marginally.

11:29 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**VICTORY!!!**

———

12:01 am (Si)

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**[screenshot]**

**we’re obviously joking when we do all this right??**

12:02 am (Penny the Smartie)

_ Uh, that depends. Are  _ you _ joking? _

12:02 am (Si)

**idk pen!! that’s why i’m asking u**

12:03 am (Penny the Smartie)

_ Simon… do you actually like him? _

12:03 am (Si)

**oh no**

**ughhh**

**i think i’m starting to**

12:04 am (Penny the Smartie)

_ You don’t even know who he is! _

12:04 am (Si)

**but i** **_do_ ** **, penny**

**i know what counts**

12:05 am (Penny the Smartie)

_ You’re actually quite lucky then. You’re basically dating already. _

12:05 am (Si)

**yeah, but it’s not the real thing**

**what we have is like some sort of weird joke or something**

**and now that i might ACTUALLY like him**

**idk what to do**

12:06 am (Penny the Smartie)

_ Talk to him. _

12:06 am (Si)

**penny i’m scared**

12:07 am (Penny the Smartie)

_ You don’t have to until you’re ready, but I think you should at some point. _

12:07 am (Si)

**yeah**

**yeah you’re right**

**ly pen gn**

12:07 am (Penny the Smartie)

_ Love you, too, Simon. _

———

february 28

3:34 pm (Basil the Herb)

I’m in a bit of a conundrum.

3:35 pm (Minion #1)

What does that mean

3:35 pm (Minion #2)

_ It’s part of your ear dumbass _

3:36 pm (Basil the Herb)

No, a conundrum is not part of your ear. I’m saying I have a problem.

3:36 pm (Minion #1)

WE KNOW

3:36 pm (Basil the Herb)

Dev, I’m being serious.

3:37 pm (Minion #2)   
_ Yeah so are we _

3:37 pm (Basil the Herb)

Shut up, minion, look.

[screenshot x 26]

3:42 pm (Minion #1)

Jesus why did I read all of those

3:42 pm (Minion #2)

_ And why are they so cute?? TT _

3:43 pm (Basil the Herb)

They’re not cute, numbskulls.

3:43 pm (Minion #1)

I mean they kinda are

Also WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE FLIRTING WITH SIMON SNOW

3:43 pm (Minion #2)

_ The love of your life!! You even have him saved as that… awwww _

3:44 pm (Basil the Herb)

Well, he doesn’t know it’s me. And if he did, he’d blow a gasket. Did you read the texts?

3:44 pm (Minion #1)

Oof yeah

But now it just seems like he finds you annoying instead of like… the fucking plague or something

3:45 pm (Basil the Herb)

Oh, wow, the epitome of praise. “Not the fucking plague or something.”

3:45 pm (Minion #2)

_ I mean I get how you can act all couple-y with him cause you know who he his and have been in love w him for a century but how is he acting like that when he doesn’t even know who you are?? _

3:45 pm (Basil the Herb)

He’s Simon Snow. In Second Year he cried when he stepped on a leaf and gave it a fucking funeral. A LEAF.

3:46 pm (Minion #1)

ya that’s true

okay so what you need to do is make up a fake persona and find some pics of some really hot guys and pretend you’re them

3:46 pm (Minion #2)

_ I disagree _

_ I think you should tell him who you are _

3:47 pm (Basil the Herb)

I disagree with both of those. I’ll continue to be a pathetic gay mess, thank you.

3:47 pm (Minion #1)

Oh, Basilton.

———

march 4

4:57 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**hey babe**

4:57 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Yes, Snow?   
4:57 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**can i know who u are now? cause we’ve been talking like everyday and it’s kinda weird not knowing**

5:00 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**vamp?**

5:05 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**sorry**

**you don’t have to tell me if u don’t want**

**i don’t wanna pressure u or anything**

5:06 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

I will tell you. At some point. I just can’t right now.

5:06 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**that’s okay!! whoever you are, you’ll still be my vampire boyfriend ;)**

5:07 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Ha. We’ll see about that.

Anyway, I have to catch up with some friends. Have a good night, Snow.

5:07 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**darling**

**it’s have a good night DARLING**

5:08 pm (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Jfc, alright. Have a good night, darling.

5:08 pm (stupid fucking loml)

**u too, babe ;)**

———

march 8

8:31 am (stupid fucking loml)

**babe!! it’s our one month anniversary!!**

8:31 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

I know, Snow.

8:32 am (stupid fucking loml)

**you should be more excited**

8:32 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

For what? We’re not even really dating.

8:33 am (stupid fucking loml)

**oh**

**ya right**

**sorry**

———

8:34 am (Si)

**shit**

8:34 am (Penny the Smartie)

_ huh? _

———

8:34 am (Basil the Herb)

Shit.

8:34 am (Minon #1)

Oh no what’d you do this time

———

8:35 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Sorry, Simon. That was uncalled for.

8:35 am (stupid fucking loml)

**no i mean it’s true**

8:35 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

Right.

8:36 am (stupid fucking loml)

**right**

8:36 am (MY VAMPIRE BABE <3)

I have to go to class. Talk to you later?

8:36 am (stupid fucking loml)

**uh yeah**

**sure**

———

march 10

8:36 am (vamp)

Hey. You didn’t text me yesterday. Is something up?

8:37 am (simon bloody snow)

**nah we’re all good**

8:37 am (vamp)

Are you sure?   
8:37 am (simon bloody snow)

**ya**

8:38 am (vamp)

Well… good morning.

8:38 am (simon bloody snow)

**morning**

8:38 am (vamp)

How was your day yesterday?

8:39 am (simon bloody snow)

**fine**

8:39 am (vamp)

That’s good. I saw Bunce lecture the history teacher this morning.

8:39 am (simon bloody snow)

**cool**

**i gtg**

8:40 am (vamp)

Oh

Okay.

Bye.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are my favorite thing in the world and greatly appreciated!! Also, I would just like to apologize again. This was such a mess and I just read over it again and I'm like what?? what was I even thinking?? Anyway, kinda OOC maybe but I'd like to think this is what Baz would be like if he could just be anonymous and not BAZ.


End file.
